Ethan, age 3 - 4

Ethan turned 4 years old on October 13! What a wonderful year it has been watching his character and personality develop, laughing at how incredibly funny he is, receiving his hugs and love. Being his mom is just such a joy - I don't know how I ended up with such a precious son. Here are some favorite pictures from this past year in Ethan's life.
"Hear no evil, speak no evil."

Pretending he's Spiderman

His favorite outfit for a while. Love his smile!

The king of "owies". Post treadmill-accident.

He's an animal lover. Cuddling with great-grandma Judy's kitten.

Ethan's first bike!! Yes!!

Playground fun.
It's slip and slide time.

Apparently I can't add more pictures, so this might be an installment thing. Part two coming up.

Two Days in the Life

Well we're officially back in the proverbial swing of things. So I thought I would give you an idea of a weekday vs. a weekend. So this was my Thursday, a workday.

5:00-6:15 - Get ready, make coffee, get lunches ready, take Bailey out, get kids up and ready
6:15-7:15 - The whole fam drives to Mt. Vernon together. Drop off Eric, drop off kids at preschool/daycare with little ado.
7:15-8:30 - The quiet part of my workday. Write emails, event planning, case notes, plan class, attempt to sort through the papers on my desk.
First period - Meeting one - with probation officers regarding mutual students. Meeting two - with administrator and student to resolve dispute.
Second period - Meet with student who finds out she's pregnant. Lots of tears and discussion regarding her options.
Third period - Continue meeting with said student. Meet with another student to give him the message that no he cannot wear that gang-related shirt and yes you must put your cell phone away. Meet with another student - same message but lots of sad backstory comes spilling out. Heart feeling heavy.
Lunch - Gulp down some disgusting campbells processed soup while discussing another student with a teacher
Fourth period - Make phone calls to two parents and a Ropes Course facilitator. The message from the parents is always the same - I don't know what to do anymore. Meet with a Special Education student and do a schedule change, then create a graduation plan.
Fifth period - Teach Coping Skills class
Sixth period - Finish up a new student assessment. Organize new student orientation info. Make my to-do list for next week. Check in with Americorps member.
After school - Plan next weeks Coping Skills class.
3:45-4:45 - Pick up Eric and kids. Missed 'em like crazy. Lots of kisses. Chatty Cathy in the backseat talks my ear off the whole way home with Hudson staring on in wonderment. Eric attempts to nap in the front seat.
4:45-6:00 - Home. Finally. Play outside and throw the ball for Bailey.
6:00-6:30 - Dinner. Can't remember what we had.
6:30-8:00 - Chill out together in the basement. Do some laundry. Wash dishes. Change sheets.
8:00-9:00 - Snuggle Hudson and put him to bed. Ethan and I watch a movie. Can't remember which one.
9:00-9:30 - Read books to Ethan in bed. Finally falls asleep.
9:30-10:30 - I miraculously make it through my DVR'ed Glee. Bedtime.

And then today....I get Friday's off.
6:00-8:00 - Eric has left for work. Hudson awakes. We snuggle and play in the basement while I watch episodes of Gossip Girl from Netflix.
8:00-9:00- Ethan wakes up. Eat breakfast, get ready for the day.
9:00-10:30- Gym. My futile attempt to lose weight. The kids love the child center there.
10:30-2:00 - Normally this is errand and grocery shopping time. But today we had to wait for the furnace man, who of course shows up when I am literally in the shower and Ethan is yelling "Wipe Me!" from the toilet. Hudson is sleeping and thankfully does not wake up despite all the commotion of barking Bailey. While the repair man is doing his thing, Ethan and I are filling out Spiderman birthday party invitations and watching the "old Superman" movie.
2:00-4:00 - Go to local bread store and coffee store. Then to the YMCA for Ethan's rock climbing class. Meet Eric there. Ethan makes it about half way (he's a natural!) and then decides he's just done with this whole thing.
4:00-6:00 - Home. Play time. "Do rough" on the bed, which means WWF wrestling and kid tossing on our bed. This is their absolute favorite thing. I mostly stand by like an aid car. Also during play time I am the green goblin and Ethan decides that he is going to "play flashlight." Poor Hudson is teething so he is crying like a banshee.
6:00-7:30 - Dinner. Turkey soup thawed from the freezer and fresh apple crunch bread. I attempt to do the dishes, do the laundry and check my email, all of which are thwarted by the crying banshee.
7:30 - I put the poor baby to bed early because he is miserable and I am about to officially lose it.
7:30-now - I finish the chores I had earlier started.
now - Ethan and Eric went over to visit a neighbor - they may be playing rock band right now? - and I am blogging. If I had a bottle of wine I would be having a glass right now. Despite the craziness, I thank God for it all.

Well that is the minutiea (sp?) of my life for the past two days.

Sneaky

Somewhere along the line, Ethan decided that I needed to have a rock collection. He randomly brings me rocks every once in a while, always excited to add to the array. So yesterday I was unloading his backpack from preschool and found a handful of those large gravel rock pieces. I asked him why he had rocks in his backpack. Now picture lots of Ethan facial animation and hand gestures:

"Mama, I got you rocks for your rock collection! I sneaked out and picked up a bunch of rocks and I crunked them in my pockets and before anyone could see I ran back and I sneaked them in my pumpack for you. Miss Yinda didn't even see me! Are you happy?"

By the way, "crunk" = stuffed, "pumpack" = backpack, and "Yinda" = Linda

Of course I burst out laughing. Alarms: a. he sneaked out of the room, b. he was being sneaky in general. But the fact that he went on such a stealth mission just to please his mama is pretty darn cute. Got to admit.

Motherhood, part one

I recently finished reading this fun and relatable quick-read called Just Let Me Lide Down: Necessary Terms for the Half-insane Working Mom. It is written by the editor of Real Simple, Kristin van Ogtrop, and I just loved it. Most of the book are funny quips and stories of her life as a working mom, but some of her insights I also found particularly poignant.

"Separate issue: The children you bear who will, inevitably, spend most of their lives apart from you. And your issue? That you will never stop missing them, and there's nothing you can do about it...The thrill of seeing one of my children after any absence never goes away. It doesn't matter if he has gone to the nursery for two hours or to a sleepover for one night or to camp for two solid weeks. The excitement of reuniting always surprises me, and I greet my sons with an enthusiasm that no doubt seems overplayed to them...Before I had children, I imagined myself and my future offspring like a mother duck and her ducklings: navigating our way through a big scary world together, united, following the same path. Once I had children, it didn't take me long to realize that separation would define much of motherhood. Now I have come to regard my relationship with each of my kids as if we were pairs skaters: we come together and then move apart, with convergence and independence, following an elaborate routine that we both know. We may be a team, but every hello has a good-bye right behind it....After more than a decade of working motherhood, I have hit many pockets of sadness. Some I have worked through, and some I will be stuck in forever. For example, I have passed through the sad fear that any babysitter can take my place in the hearts and minds of my children. But I will never get over the sting of separation, or the knowledge that the times of separation grow as my children get older. Years go by and, like a brilliant longtime pair of skaters, my children and I adapt our routine. We understand each other's roles without having to define them. I will continue to miss them, no matter how much time passes."

There is much I relate to in this. I too love my seeing my kids after any absence. On work days, my favorite part of the day, hands down, is when I get to pick up my kids. I will never forget Ethan's huge smiling face at the big glass window, or later his "Mommy!" accompanied by a huge hug and showing me all the things he did that day. These, of course, are short absences compared to the long ones that are ahead.

As a mom, I am constantly reminding myself to remember this moment, don't forget this, etch this into your memory. My boys are only 1 and 3 for heaven's sake and yet I already well up with tears at the thought of them leaving home, getting married, becoming adults with their own lives not so integrated into my own. When I had Ethan, I remember lying in my hospital bed in the wee hours of the morning just so completely overwhelmed with the miracle and responsibility that was lying asleep on my chest. I was having immense difficulty breastfeeding and, probably due to hormones, I was rapidly convincing myself that this failure was the harbinger of more and more shortcomings and failures to come in my new role as mother. I was weeping, just weeping. And this statement, divine without a doubt, came to me - All he needs is you. All he needs is you. He does not need you to be perfect. You do not have to measure up to anyone or anything else. All I have to be is who I already am. Now of course every child needs much more than his mother, but in that moment I felt such comfort, relief and freedom.

It took me a while to get used to the complete dependency that a baby has, and I would be lying if I said that it has always been an easy adjustment. Since we waited so long to have a child, I had grown accustomed to freedom and doing what I wanted when I wanted. But, as the commercial says, having a baby changes everything. It requires total selflessness and a life where your children's needs and routine always trump your own. There are times when, after a long hard day, Ethan's nighttime insistence on me reading 8 books plus praying, singing, and cuddling feels like another demand, when all I really want to do just unwind and watch an episode of Gossip Girl. Or when Hudson does not allow me to accomplish anything unless it can be done with one hand, because he insists on being held the better part of the day. But because of my keen awareness of time, maturity, and separation, those negative thoughts don't last long and I instead ache at the thought of someday not doing these things. There will be a day, soon enough, where the thought of his mother putting him to bed, much less usually falling asleep in his bed with him, will be repulsive, embarassing, or both. And there will be day, also soon enough, when Hudson will be too big for me to hold him. And I will long for the days when I could. So I cherish what I have right now in this moment and am grateful for it.

Separation defines much of motherhood. Indeed. But at least I know that never in a million years will I forget the feeling of holding my brand new beautiful baby boy on my chest in the middle of the night. Never in a million years will I forget those "Mommy! I missed you so much" moments. They are forever etched in my memory.

Family Vacation

We recently got back from our first real family vacation to Long Beach, WA. We had a FANTASTIC time. It was so great to have fun in a new environment and just enjoy each other.

Highlighights:

-Our great hotel on the beach. Totally loved it - Lighthouse Oceanfront Resort.

-Watching Ethan and Eric fly their kites.

-Watching Ethan and Bailey run from the waves and tide.

-Going to the arcade...three times. Life with boys.

-Running in to my cousin Steve and his new wife. Small world.

-Going out to eat -twice! Okay, we NEVER go out to eat, so this was a big deal for us.

-Going to the North Head Lighthouse. It was beautiful.

-Going on the Tilt-A-Whirl with Ethan (or, the jellyfish thing (???) as Ethan calls it...totally worth the $6 it cost). And the Carousel too.

-Making smores on the beach and watching the kids play around. That was my very favorite part.

-Going to the community bonfire

-Driving on the beach

-Walking through all the little shops

-Go-karts

And some lowlights (because there is no such thing as the perfect family vacation, right?)

-Hudson REFUSING to sleep in a non-familiar place. I had to take him on a drive at 2:30 in the morning!!! And then of course, he wakes up right when we get back to the hotel. I got virtually NO sleep the entire trip.

-Attack of the diarrhea

-Trying to enjoy the Cranberry Museum but Ethan was running around like a wild hog. We left after like 10 minutes due to the unsavory expressions of..everyone..else in the museum.

-My I-Pod is wrecked. Unsalvageably wrecked.

-We didn't get to go in the pool due to Ethan's arm bandage. And I didn't get to go in the hot tub because of the 9 million other people in it.

-We missed the big Sandsations event the last day because....well....we were just all ready to go home at that point.

-All four of us were in the grumpiest moods ever on our way home. Long car rides in a cramped little Corolla with a dog is just no one's idea of fun.

All in all, it was so great. I love traveling - even if it's only 5 hours from home. But, I also love coming home too.

Hudson Turns One

Our little guy, about a year ago...
Just starting to smile...
Naptime with brother...Learning to drink coffee...(just kidding, I forgot a bottle on our train adventure)

Happy first Christmas baby...
Sitting up...

Fun at Golden Gardens in March...Future athlete?

Playing, playing, playing...Mother's Day at the beach...

At the Strawberry Festival last month...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUDSON!!! My sweet huddlebug turned ONE on June 29. What a precious, precious boy he is. There is so much to love about this guy. First of all, he is just the cutest thing there ever was. He has huge, big blue eyes, the chubbiest of cheeks, and a whole mess of thick, wavy hair. It started out jet black, and now it is light brown, almost blonde. His smile just melts your heart. He also is a sweet guy. He's happy and curious, content, and cuddly. His first 5 months or so were really, really challenging, but he has more than made up for it with his sweet disposition. He is fully walking now, with the funniest bow legs, like a little penguin. He is completely fascinated with his big brother and loves our animals. He's pointing at things a lot these days and talking the funniest nonsense. I love his babbles. I love our early mornings together, just him and I. What a beautiful blessing he is.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DARLING.

A boy and his trains

Anyone who knows Ethan knows that he loves trains. He can tell you the difference between a diesel engine and a steam engine and between a flat car and tank car (and everything in between). A few days ago we went to "A Day Out with Thomas" at the Snoqualmie Railway Museum and had a great time. We got to ride on a Thomas train, get Thomas tattoos, play in a bouncy house, play with Thomas trains, eat ice cream, etc. Since I haven't posted in a long time, here are some other Ethan train pics over the past 9 months.

At Halloween, we made him a Thomas the Train costume. It was wearable and made out of cardboard. He just loved it, although it was a bit difficult to walk in. Now it is hanging up in his room, looking down over his train table.
Trick or treat! Ethan wearing his costume.Around Christmas time, we took the boys on a Santa Train ride up in Acme. They had an old steam engine (see below) that we toured and we went on a train ride to a beautiful waterfall. Santa was on the train and we all sang Christmas carols.Eric, Ethan, and Hudson on the Thomas train. Have you noticed the conductor cap that Ethan wears so often?The cutest picture ever of the boys in front of Thomas. It will be interesting to see whether Hudson follows in his brothers footsteps.Oh boy, what a day. Ethan fell asleep in the car readily.....with his new Thomas blanket on of course!