The Engman Abode

Brothers

2011-08-18T20:07:00.001-07:00

It's been a fun and busy summer. I have lots of pictures, and truthfully, I'm not sure when I'll get around to posting them. But as I was going through them I found a bunch of cute ones of the boys together. It has been delightful to watch their relationship develop. As with all siblings, they fight and argue and wrestle with each other. But overall, they love each other so much and are true playmates. Ethan likes to protect his brother and show him the ropes, so to speak. Hudson likes to imitate whatever Ethan does. I frequently hear "Eeetannnn......" echoes throughout the house. Such sweethearts they are.

Bubble Gum Ice cream at the Old Settler's Picnic
Playing together in our "new" sandbox (or "the dirt" as Hudson would say)

Fell asleep on the couch together. Precious.

Adventures with mama at Semiahmoo. Isn't Baker in the background GORGEOUS?

Raspberry picking at Boxx Berry Farm

Bees

2011-06-16T17:32:00.000-07:00

Eric's latest hobby is bee-keeping. The boys enjoy it as well. I'm looking forward to the honey.

A couple cute winter pictures

2011-02-24T16:41:00.001-08:00

Okay folks, I just posted three posts in a row. Check 'em out.
Santa Claus!
Ethan and his cousin Travis. How could they possibly be this old already?

Sledding in the snow. This was over Thanksgiving I think.

October 2010

2011-02-24T16:30:00.000-08:00

Halloween 2010
Spiderman and a puppy

Aww, mom

Annual StoneyRidge Farm picture

Happy 4th birthday Ethan! Spiderman-themed of course.

Practicing his Spidey skills on the YMCA rock wall.This just cracks me up.

Autumn 2010

2011-02-24T16:23:00.000-08:00

I know, I know. I am SOOO far behind in updating this blog. So, I'm playing catch up big time.

These are our annual autumn pictures we take in our leaf piles in the yard. The last three are at Hovander Park, my favorite place.

Ethan, age 3 - 4

2010-10-29T18:37:00.000-07:00

Ethan turned 4 years old on October 13! What a wonderful year it has been watching his character and personality develop, laughing at how incredibly funny he is, receiving his hugs and love. Being his mom is just such a joy - I don't know how I ended up with such a precious son. Here are some favorite pictures from this past year in Ethan's life.
"Hear no evil, speak no evil."

Pretending he's Spiderman

His favorite outfit for a while. Love his smile!

The king of "owies". Post treadmill-accident.

He's an animal lover. Cuddling with great-grandma Judy's kitten.

Ethan's first bike!! Yes!!

Playground fun.
It's slip and slide time.

Apparently I can't add more pictures, so this might be an installment thing. Part two coming up.

Two Days in the Life

2010-09-24T18:51:00.000-07:00

Well we're officially back in the proverbial swing of things. So I thought I would give you an idea of a weekday vs. a weekend. So this was my Thursday, a workday.

5:00-6:15 - Get ready, make coffee, get lunches ready, take Bailey out, get kids up and ready
6:15-7:15 - The whole fam drives to Mt. Vernon together. Drop off Eric, drop off kids at preschool/daycare with little ado.
7:15-8:30 - The quiet part of my workday. Write emails, event planning, case notes, plan class, attempt to sort through the papers on my desk.
First period - Meeting one - with probation officers regarding mutual students. Meeting two - with administrator and student to resolve dispute.
Second period - Meet with student who finds out she's pregnant. Lots of tears and discussion regarding her options.
Third period - Continue meeting with said student. Meet with another student to give him the message that no he cannot wear that gang-related shirt and yes you must put your cell phone away. Meet with another student - same message but lots of sad backstory comes spilling out. Heart feeling heavy.
Lunch - Gulp down some disgusting campbells processed soup while discussing another student with a teacher
Fourth period - Make phone calls to two parents and a Ropes Course facilitator. The message from the parents is always the same - I don't know what to do anymore. Meet with a Special Education student and do a schedule change, then create a graduation plan.
Fifth period - Teach Coping Skills class
Sixth period - Finish up a new student assessment. Organize new student orientation info. Make my to-do list for next week. Check in with Americorps member.
After school - Plan next weeks Coping Skills class.
3:45-4:45 - Pick up Eric and kids. Missed 'em like crazy. Lots of kisses. Chatty Cathy in the backseat talks my ear off the whole way home with Hudson staring on in wonderment. Eric attempts to nap in the front seat.
4:45-6:00 - Home. Finally. Play outside and throw the ball for Bailey.
6:00-6:30 - Dinner. Can't remember what we had.
6:30-8:00 - Chill out together in the basement. Do some laundry. Wash dishes. Change sheets.
8:00-9:00 - Snuggle Hudson and put him to bed. Ethan and I watch a movie. Can't remember which one.
9:00-9:30 - Read books to Ethan in bed. Finally falls asleep.
9:30-10:30 - I miraculously make it through my DVR'ed Glee. Bedtime.

And then today....I get Friday's off.
6:00-8:00 - Eric has left for work. Hudson awakes. We snuggle and play in the basement while I watch episodes of Gossip Girl from Netflix.
8:00-9:00- Ethan wakes up. Eat breakfast, get ready for the day.
9:00-10:30- Gym. My futile attempt to lose weight. The kids love the child center there.
10:30-2:00 - Normally this is errand and grocery shopping time. But today we had to wait for the furnace man, who of course shows up when I am literally in the shower and Ethan is yelling "Wipe Me!" from the toilet. Hudson is sleeping and thankfully does not wake up despite all the commotion of barking Bailey. While the repair man is doing his thing, Ethan and I are filling out Spiderman birthday party invitations and watching the "old Superman" movie.
2:00-4:00 - Go to local bread store and coffee store. Then to the YMCA for Ethan's rock climbing class. Meet Eric there. Ethan makes it about half way (he's a natural!) and then decides he's just done with this whole thing.
4:00-6:00 - Home. Play time. "Do rough" on the bed, which means WWF wrestling and kid tossing on our bed. This is their absolute favorite thing. I mostly stand by like an aid car. Also during play time I am the green goblin and Ethan decides that he is going to "play flashlight." Poor Hudson is teething so he is crying like a banshee.
6:00-7:30 - Dinner. Turkey soup thawed from the freezer and fresh apple crunch bread. I attempt to do the dishes, do the laundry and check my email, all of which are thwarted by the crying banshee.
7:30 - I put the poor baby to bed early because he is miserable and I am about to officially lose it.
7:30-now - I finish the chores I had earlier started.
now - Ethan and Eric went over to visit a neighbor - they may be playing rock band right now? - and I am blogging. If I had a bottle of wine I would be having a glass right now. Despite the craziness, I thank God for it all.

Well that is the minutiea (sp?) of my life for the past two days.

Sneaky

2010-09-11T08:33:00.000-07:00

Somewhere along the line, Ethan decided that I needed to have a rock collection. He randomly brings me rocks every once in a while, always excited to add to the array. So yesterday I was unloading his backpack from preschool and found a handful of those large gravel rock pieces. I asked him why he had rocks in his backpack. Now picture lots of Ethan facial animation and hand gestures:

"Mama, I got you rocks for your rock collection! I sneaked out and picked up a bunch of rocks and I crunked them in my pockets and before anyone could see I ran back and I sneaked them in my pumpack for you. Miss Yinda didn't even see me! Are you happy?"

By the way, "crunk" = stuffed, "pumpack" = backpack, and "Yinda" = Linda

Of course I burst out laughing. Alarms: a. he sneaked out of the room, b. he was being sneaky in general. But the fact that he went on such a stealth mission just to please his mama is pretty darn cute. Got to admit.

Motherhood, part one

2010-08-08T18:05:00.001-07:00

I recently finished reading this fun and relatable quick-read called Just Let Me Lide Down: Necessary Terms for the Half-insane Working Mom. It is written by the editor of Real Simple, Kristin van Ogtrop, and I just loved it. Most of the book are funny quips and stories of her life as a working mom, but some of her insights I also found particularly poignant.

"Separate issue: The children you bear who will, inevitably, spend most of their lives apart from you. And your issue? That you will never stop missing them, and there's nothing you can do about it...The thrill of seeing one of my children after any absence never goes away. It doesn't matter if he has gone to the nursery for two hours or to a sleepover for one night or to camp for two solid weeks. The excitement of reuniting always surprises me, and I greet my sons with an enthusiasm that no doubt seems overplayed to them...Before I had children, I imagined myself and my future offspring like a mother duck and her ducklings: navigating our way through a big scary world together, united, following the same path. Once I had children, it didn't take me long to realize that separation would define much of motherhood. Now I have come to regard my relationship with each of my kids as if we were pairs skaters: we come together and then move apart, with convergence and independence, following an elaborate routine that we both know. We may be a team, but every hello has a good-bye right behind it....After more than a decade of working motherhood, I have hit many pockets of sadness. Some I have worked through, and some I will be stuck in forever. For example, I have passed through the sad fear that any babysitter can take my place in the hearts and minds of my children. But I will never get over the sting of separation, or the knowledge that the times of separation grow as my children get older. Years go by and, like a brilliant longtime pair of skaters, my children and I adapt our routine. We understand each other's roles without having to define them. I will continue to miss them, no matter how much time passes."

There is much I relate to in this. I too love my seeing my kids after any absence. On work days, my favorite part of the day, hands down, is when I get to pick up my kids. I will never forget Ethan's huge smiling face at the big glass window, or later his "Mommy!" accompanied by a huge hug and showing me all the things he did that day. These, of course, are short absences compared to the long ones that are ahead.

As a mom, I am constantly reminding myself to remember this moment, don't forget this, etch this into your memory. My boys are only 1 and 3 for heaven's sake and yet I already well up with tears at the thought of them leaving home, getting married, becoming adults with their own lives not so integrated into my own. When I had Ethan, I remember lying in my hospital bed in the wee hours of the morning just so completely overwhelmed with the miracle and responsibility that was lying asleep on my chest. I was having immense difficulty breastfeeding and, probably due to hormones, I was rapidly convincing myself that this failure was the harbinger of more and more shortcomings and failures to come in my new role as mother. I was weeping, just weeping. And this statement, divine without a doubt, came to me - All he needs is you. All he needs is you. He does not need you to be perfect. You do not have to measure up to anyone or anything else. All I have to be is who I already am. Now of course every child needs much more than his mother, but in that moment I felt such comfort, relief and freedom.

It took me a while to get used to the complete dependency that a baby has, and I would be lying if I said that it has always been an easy adjustment. Since we waited so long to have a child, I had grown accustomed to freedom and doing what I wanted when I wanted. But, as the commercial says, having a baby changes everything. It requires total selflessness and a life where your children's needs and routine always trump your own. There are times when, after a long hard day, Ethan's nighttime insistence on me reading 8 books plus praying, singing, and cuddling feels like another demand, when all I really want to do just unwind and watch an episode of Gossip Girl. Or when Hudson does not allow me to accomplish anything unless it can be done with one hand, because he insists on being held the better part of the day. But because of my keen awareness of time, maturity, and separation, those negative thoughts don't last long and I instead ache at the thought of someday not doing these things. There will be a day, soon enough, where the thought of his mother putting him to bed, much less usually falling asleep in his bed with him, will be repulsive, embarassing, or both. And there will be day, also soon enough, when Hudson will be too big for me to hold him. And I will long for the days when I could. So I cherish what I have right now in this moment and am grateful for it.

Separation defines much of motherhood. Indeed. But at least I know that never in a million years will I forget the feeling of holding my brand new beautiful baby boy on my chest in the middle of the night. Never in a million years will I forget those "Mommy! I missed you so much" moments. They are forever etched in my memory.

Family Vacation

2010-07-18T22:40:00.000-07:00

We recently got back from our first real family vacation to Long Beach, WA. We had a FANTASTIC time. It was so great to have fun in a new environment and just enjoy each other.

Highlighights:

-Our great hotel on the beach. Totally loved it - Lighthouse Oceanfront Resort.

-Watching Ethan and Eric fly their kites.

-Watching Ethan and Bailey run from the waves and tide.

-Going to the arcade...three times. Life with boys.

-Running in to my cousin Steve and his new wife. Small world.

-Going out to eat -twice! Okay, we NEVER go out to eat, so this was a big deal for us.

-Going to the North Head Lighthouse. It was beautiful.

-Going on the Tilt-A-Whirl with Ethan (or, the jellyfish thing (???) as Ethan calls it...totally worth the $6 it cost). And the Carousel too.

-Making smores on the beach and watching the kids play around. That was my very favorite part.

-Going to the community bonfire

-Driving on the beach

-Walking through all the little shops

-Go-karts

And some lowlights (because there is no such thing as the perfect family vacation, right?)

-Hudson REFUSING to sleep in a non-familiar place. I had to take him on a drive at 2:30 in the morning!!! And then of course, he wakes up right when we get back to the hotel. I got virtually NO sleep the entire trip.

-Attack of the diarrhea

-Trying to enjoy the Cranberry Museum but Ethan was running around like a wild hog. We left after like 10 minutes due to the unsavory expressions of..everyone..else in the museum.

-My I-Pod is wrecked. Unsalvageably wrecked.

-We didn't get to go in the pool due to Ethan's arm bandage. And I didn't get to go in the hot tub because of the 9 million other people in it.

-We missed the big Sandsations event the last day because....well....we were just all ready to go home at that point.

-All four of us were in the grumpiest moods ever on our way home. Long car rides in a cramped little Corolla with a dog is just no one's idea of fun.

All in all, it was so great. I love traveling - even if it's only 5 hours from home. But, I also love coming home too.

Hudson Turns One

2010-07-18T19:01:00.000-07:00

Our little guy, about a year ago...
Just starting to smile...
Naptime with brother...Learning to drink coffee...(just kidding, I forgot a bottle on our train adventure)

Happy first Christmas baby...
Sitting up...

Fun at Golden Gardens in March...Future athlete?

Playing, playing, playing...Mother's Day at the beach...

At the Strawberry Festival last month...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUDSON!!! My sweet huddlebug turned ONE on June 29. What a precious, precious boy he is. There is so much to love about this guy. First of all, he is just the cutest thing there ever was. He has huge, big blue eyes, the chubbiest of cheeks, and a whole mess of thick, wavy hair. It started out jet black, and now it is light brown, almost blonde. His smile just melts your heart. He also is a sweet guy. He's happy and curious, content, and cuddly. His first 5 months or so were really, really challenging, but he has more than made up for it with his sweet disposition. He is fully walking now, with the funniest bow legs, like a little penguin. He is completely fascinated with his big brother and loves our animals. He's pointing at things a lot these days and talking the funniest nonsense. I love his babbles. I love our early mornings together, just him and I. What a beautiful blessing he is.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DARLING.

A boy and his trains

2010-07-12T11:04:00.000-07:00

Anyone who knows Ethan knows that he loves trains. He can tell you the difference between a diesel engine and a steam engine and between a flat car and tank car (and everything in between). A few days ago we went to "A Day Out with Thomas" at the Snoqualmie Railway Museum and had a great time. We got to ride on a Thomas train, get Thomas tattoos, play in a bouncy house, play with Thomas trains, eat ice cream, etc. Since I haven't posted in a long time, here are some other Ethan train pics over the past 9 months.

At Halloween, we made him a Thomas the Train costume. It was wearable and made out of cardboard. He just loved it, although it was a bit difficult to walk in. Now it is hanging up in his room, looking down over his train table.
Trick or treat! Ethan wearing his costume.Around Christmas time, we took the boys on a Santa Train ride up in Acme. They had an old steam engine (see below) that we toured and we went on a train ride to a beautiful waterfall. Santa was on the train and we all sang Christmas carols.Eric, Ethan, and Hudson on the Thomas train. Have you noticed the conductor cap that Ethan wears so often?The cutest picture ever of the boys in front of Thomas. It will be interesting to see whether Hudson follows in his brothers footsteps.Oh boy, what a day. Ethan fell asleep in the car readily.....with his new Thomas blanket on of course!

The Monkey and Alligator Song

2009-12-07T19:40:00.000-08:00

Bedtime

2009-11-10T21:25:00.000-08:00

This just happened a few minutes ago and I have to write it down before I forget. I was reading Ethan his bedtime stories.
Ethan: "We all live in a yellow subawee, yellow subawee, yellow subawee.......Mama? Are you happy?"
Me: "Of course I'm happy. I'm always happy when I'm with you. That's so nice of you to ask me - thank you. You are such a sweet boy."
Ethan: "You're a sweet girl. I love you so much, forever and ever, and always."

Later...
Me: "Okay, I'm going to go now. I love you."
Ethan: "Are you sure you can't sleep with me? Thomas and the boxcar will cuddle you. We can play best friends."

Oh baby, my cup runneth over.

Stoney Ridge Farm 2009

2009-10-30T08:04:00.000-07:00

Last weekend we went out to StoneyRidge Farm. The original plan was to go for Ethan's birthday with the Butts' clan, but it was downpouring so we went last weekend instead. We always have such a fun time enjoying the best time of the year. Ethan and his apple.

Checking out the scarecrow.

Picking out the perfect apple.

Papa and Ethan on a hay ride to the pumpkin patch.

Precious baby Hudson.

Hudson in the leaves.

Hudson at three months

2009-10-17T07:08:00.000-07:00

"Smiley Cyrus" as Eric calls him.

Love him!

So contemplative....

Ethan's first day of preschool. He loves his Elmo "pumpack."

"Finding What Matters Most To You"

2009-10-09T08:13:00.000-07:00

This little reflection piece was in The Bellingham Herald last weekend.

"Finding what matters most to you"

What really matters most to you? Your relationships with family, friends, and children? Helping others? Passions? Faith? Security? Health? At the end of each year, don't you want to look back and see that you made a difference? That you matter? Today is the start of a new year for your life. Start it off by making a difference in you, in your life, and in the lives of those you love. This is your opportunity. Time spent on What Matters Most is never wasted time.

Take Action Today.
1. Stop and think...then make a list of What Matters Most to you.
2. Create a list of how you currently spend your time each week.
3. Organize your list of weekly activities and identify activities that are required and those that are optional or that waste time.
4. Take steps to rearrange your schedule or reduce the optional activities so that you can spend more time doing What Matters Most.
5. Don't waste time.

What's Hudson been up to this summer?

2009-08-20T20:36:00.002-07:00

What's Hudson been up to this summer?
Take a look........

Chillin' with his big brother,

Smiling,Crying (a lot!),

Taking a family bath,
Taking a bath by himself,

Sleeping,

Swinging on the porch swing,

Being outside,

Melting mama's heart,

and being caught in the bug net!

What's Ethan been up to this summer?

2009-08-20T19:48:00.001-07:00

What has Ethan been up to this summer?

Take a look...............

Going to the spray park,

Enjoying barnyard animals,

(at the Pioneer Days Festival here)

Playing dress-up,

Picking berries,

Playing at the beach,

Practicing to be a train conductor someday,

Practicing his bike riding and body art skills,

Swimming,

Playing in the dirt,

(At the Strawberry Festival)

Going on adventures,

(at Northwest Trek here)

Hanging out with cousins,
And last but not least, becoming a big brother and a handsome young man!

Hudson arrives!

2009-07-03T11:36:00.001-07:00

It's a boy! Hudson Robin Engman arrived on Monday, June 29 at 11:31 pm. He was 9 lbs. 10 ozs. and arrived via repeat c-section. He is completely precious and I am a thankful and proud mama of the Engman boys.
Here is the story of his birth:
I was hoping for a natural labor (VBAC) and that I wouldn't have to have the scheduled c-section which was to be on Tuesday. So, thankfully I went into labor at 6:00 am on Monday morning. We went into the hospital around noon and were admitted as I was dilated to 4 cm. Contractions intensified but Eric and mom were in the room with me and I was also kept laughing by some old SNL Best of Will Ferrell reruns. I got an epidural eventually and finally got to the pushing stage around 8:30 pm. By this time I was very tired and the medication made me more listless and sick than anticipated. After two hours of pushing, the doc told me that the baby was not descending and that the head was not in a good position (at the time, of course, we didn't know how huge his head was or large the baby was, which probably contributed to the problem) and she highly recommended a c-section. I was very upset about this, mainly because it was not the birth experience that I had wanted and also that all my efforts thusfar were futile. But ultimately, I knew it was the best decision and I went in to have the c-section. I went into this just wanting a healthy baby and I am so thankful that we live in a country where resources and medicine are readily accessible. Indeed we are undeservedly lucky. So they took me back into surgery where I continued to get and feel even more sick by the medication, but hearing his cry and the "It's a boy!" announcement from Eric made it all not matter anymore. No, I was not surprised that it was a boy. As time went on in my pregnancy, I felt that it was going in this direction. So I stayed in the hospital for three days - just got back home yesterday. He is beautiful and perfect and I adore him.
It took us a few days to decide on the name Hudson. We had a short list of boys' names and couldn't decide, but ultimately I think it suits him and I adore it. His middle name is the name of my beloved dad.
Ethan is doing fabulous with Hudson. He is so sweet and loving and already refers to him as "my little brother". This morning he lifted up his shirt with Hudson on his lap and asked him, "You want some mook from my bweast?" He's a little confused on the prounouns ("Is her hungry, Mama?") but all in all I couldn't ask for more from my little toddler. Now the one who is experiencing displacement is Miss Bailey. She looks at me like, "Really?" I just remind her that she will always be my firstborn. :)
As with all new mothers, I am not getting much, well any really, sleep. I am thankful, though, that it is summer and I'm not stressed about work and whatnot. I'm also in more pain than I would like to be...mainly I'm just really slow moving about. I am eager to get out and about and moving. I like to be active and the last three months have been difficult in that regard. I am so happy to be able to sleep on my back again though!
Praise God for Hudson, this family, and all of you. I am one lucky lady.

Grandma and Hudson

Storytime last night

Proud big brother

Before you go to sleep

Say a little prayer

Every day, in every way

It's getting better and better

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,

beautiful boy
Darling, darling, darling,

darling boy

Late spring pictures

2009-06-25T18:58:00.000-07:00

Well we are finally out of school and we have been busy! I am three days away from my due date and we have a major basement remodeling fully underway. Here are some pictures of Mr. Ethan taken over the past few weeks.

Ethan picking me a flower (chive) from our garden.

Ethan and Bailey hanging out.

Ethan and cousin Travis holding up their clam shells at Birch Bay.

Ethan helping Papa in the basement.

Us at the Deming Log Show. I'm about 38 weeks pregnant here.

Thanks to Steve, Gary, and especially my Dad for helping us out with our basement, and thanks to Mom for helping out pre-baby. Love you guys!

We'll keep you all posted on baby status!

Conversations with Ethan

2009-06-08T07:17:00.001-07:00

The things Ethan says these days are just too precious. Every day we have new and funny conversations. Here's just a few over the past couple days.

We were at Whatcom Falls Park the other day standing next to the waterfall:
Ethan: "Mommy, you save my yife?"
Me: "What do you mean baby?"
Ethan: "You save my yife?"
Me: "Of course I would save your life. I will always love you and protect you and keep you from harm."
Ethan: "You'll keep me in a barn??"
_________________________
Again, at Whatcom Falls park:

Ethan: "Mommy, you're the best friend for me."
_________________________
We were at MVHS dropping Ethan off at work with Eric for a little while. There were high school students fawning all over him - "Oh, he's so cute......" etc. etc. So we continued on to find Eric and Ethan looks up at me and says, "Mommy........those kids love me sooooooooo much."
_________________________
Ethan is looking at my arms:
Ethan: "Mommy, what are those?"
Me: "Those are called moles and freckles."
Ethan: "No, they are chives." ?????

More to come I'm sure............

ABC's

2009-05-17T17:37:00.000-07:00

Busy Months

2009-04-27T10:22:00.000-07:00

Since I worked on Saturday, I actually have a day off so I thought I'd finally update the blog a little bit. It is really difficult to find more than a few minutes to sit at the computer. Well things have been busy around here! Most notably, we have decided to refinish our basement. This has meant many meetings with mortgage brokers, banks, appraisers, etc. The plan is to get the majority of it done this summer. Our task in May is to clean out our basement (a BIG task!), finish the french drain digging project and get started on the framing. This summer and Fall will bring the actual drywalling, electrical, finishing, etc. This could be very interesting seeing as how Eric will be going to school full-time in the summer (his last quarter, hopefully), and we will have a newborn. I'm stressed just thinking about it.

I'm 31 weeks along now, 9 to go. I'm feeling okay, except that I'm not sleeping well and I could do without all the excess flesh (I don't mind the belly - it's all the others places it has deposited). The hormones are in full gear - I cry at the drop of a hat - no kidding. Ethan got in trouble at church yesterday and I got in the car and cried for like 20 minutes. And I still tear up when I think about Marley and Me...which I watched like three weeks ago. I'm kind of freaked out about mothering two youngsters...but am also so glad that I will have a full summer to hopefully figure it out and to get into a routine. I am feeling a sense of loss about the changing relationship I will inevitably have with Ethan. Our bond feels so exclusive and singular sometimes, that it's hard to imagine giving another being the same kind of devotion. I'm sure I will struggle with guilt...wanting to give both kids equal amounts of love and attention. I've read that this is not uncommon...and that you just have to accept that things will be different with your second and subsequent children than they were with your first. The first is born into an adult's world, the second (and subsequent) are born into a child's world. There are advantages to both I'm sure. I take comfort in the fact that Ethan shows a good deal of empathy towards others, calls babies "so cute," and I think will be a fantastic big brother. I've decided to go for a VBAC, so the baby will come when it comes, and unlike with Ethan, I have absolutely no sense of whether it is a boy or girl. Bets, anyone?

Speaking of babies, welcome to this beautiful world and our loving family, Mr. Evan Alan Butts. My nephew arrived on Easter Sunday and we got to see him shortly thereafter. Pretty exciting to watch our family grow and change. We have so much to be thankful for.

Here are some pics taken this month. 1. Elmo has quickly been supplanted by Thomas the Train but there was a while where Elmo had to accompany him everywhere. 2. Ethan and Papa flying a kite. 3 and 4. Easter egg hunt

Spring Photo Shoot

2009-04-01T21:14:00.000-07:00

Trains and Boys

2009-03-14T15:24:00.000-07:00

What is it about trains and boys? For that matter, what is it with girls and princesses? Ethan's new obsession is trains - he can hear them from miles away and tries to chase them no matter their distance. This picture is him at the Bellingham Railway Museum last weekend. He had a great time! We just bought him a train set today and he couldn't be happier.

Funny anecdotes

2009-03-04T18:31:00.001-08:00

Scene: Last night. I'm putting Ethan to bed and holding him.

Ethan: (in a high pitched, sweet voice) "I love you mom. I love you. I love you mom."

Eric walks over.

Ethan: (to Eric) "Go away, papa! Go sit on the couch. Watch a nufee (movie)."

Poor Eric.
_____________
Scene: This morning. I turn on the light and am getting Ethan out of bed.

Ethan: "Oh! Hi mom. I hi you? (How are you?)

Me: "I'm good baby. How are you?"

Ethan: "Light hurts my eyes. Light hurts my contacts."
_____________
Scene: Riding in the car home from work today.

Eric: "Oh, Ethan, you're such a goofball."

Ethan: "Yeah, I a goofdog."

February 2009

2009-02-21T09:51:00.001-08:00

First of all, thanks for all your comments and support regarding the last post. For the most part, we've made it through the rough patch I think. We've made some adjustments to his schedule, as well as some adjustments to my expectations. Here are some pictures of a visit to Boulevard Park with my family. The last picture is at Pittock Mansion in Portland. My mom, sisters, and I took a fun trip there last weekend. Farewell to Bonnie - we will miss you so much. Korea is awaiting your arrival!

It IS just a stage, right?

2009-01-25T15:27:00.000-08:00

I do believe that parenting is the most difficult undertaking I have ever endeavoured. It has been a challenging month. Ethan has hit his stride as a two-year old....most of the time cute, funny, witty, and incredibly sweet. The rest of time....not so much. He has been throwing tantrums lately, and has mastered the art of whining. But the most challenging behavior has been his refusal to sleep. Up until this point, he has been such a good sleeper as we were dutiful in the early months with sleep training. But lately it has become a battle of epic proportions at naptime and bedtime, and he also wakes at least once in the middle of the night. This requires me to go downstairs and rub his head until he falls asleep again - which wouldn't be so bad except that I cannot get back to sleep so easily. I am realizing that when I lose sleep, my irritability and impatience levels rise considerably, especially given that Eric and I start work at 6:45. We have tried several techniques to combat these behaviors while trying to remain consistent and in control, but it is still quite frustrating. I guess it seems to be getting a bit easier, but I suspect it will be a long road. I am constantly trying to figure out whether he's manipulating me and it's a matter of will and power, or if he truly emotionally needs something. And then I'm always asking myself about what he's learning as a result of this situation and what the long-term consequence/solution is. Compound that with maternal guilt (since I work during the day) and you've got a recipe for exhaustion and feelings of parental inadequacy. That's been a theme for me lately....feeling inadequate and incompetent. But it has reminded me further to lean upon God for those qualities which I lack. Parenting also makes me strive even more to be the person I desire to be: selfless, loving, patient, healthy, and an example for my children to follow. I'm pretty sure I fail more than I succeed, but in my weakness, He is strong.

Holiday update

2008-12-27T12:53:00.001-08:00

Greetings! I hope the holidays find you all abundant with joy and gratitude. I haven't blogged in ages so I'll give you the quick holiday update. First of all, we are very blessed to have an extended holiday vacation......a major perk of working in schools. We not only have two weeks off but an extra three days due to the snow. I have really been enjoying the beauty and rarity of the snow - what a blessing to have a white Christmas. We were able to spend a day with the Schwartz clan (sadly sans mom and pop and the Parkers) which was a lot of fun, especially since Sam, Michele, and Ada live in Arizona and it was a treat to see them. It was also fun to watch our brood of kiddos be cousins playing and laughing together.

Speaking of kiddos, I am pregnant and due June 28! Most of you are already aware of this fact, but it is certainly big news for us. The first trimester has been more difficult than it was with Ethan, but I am starting to feel better. My belly is poking out and things are healthy so far. We are excited! Now we just have to figure out some names (not finding out the sex), how we're going to pay for daycare, and oh yeah, where the babe is going to sleep.

Christmas was low-key for us. We went to a nice Christmas Eve service and Ethan ended up crawling into bed with us that night. Eric's mom Sue was with us for the day, and Ethan had so many presents we had to open them in about three rounds. It was lovely - a fire going all day, good food, and playing with our son. Thanks all, for Ethan's cool presents, he is loving the new entertainment. The best part of the break has been having the time to just hang out with Eric and Ethan. Since we work and Ethan is in daycare for the school year, it feels like a real treat to be able to spend time together without the mad scramble to get all household chores over the weekend. Ethan and I have spent a lot of time just cuddling on the couch, watching movies, laughing, tickling, counting, playing, and just loving each other. He exhausts me no doubt, but he's such a sweet, sweet boy.

The Engman men on the ferry

What we call "crazy face"

"Mawmowees" in the snow!

Ethan and his new fire truck.

A new drum set!! A big hit.

Love and peace to all!

Pokey Little Puppy

2008-11-08T19:36:00.000-08:00

I'm a little late, but here are some Halloween pictures of Ethan. He was the cutest puppy ever! We went over to our friends' house for dinner and then went trick-or-treating around the neighborhood with his friends "dragon" Ross and "Spiderman" Charlie. Last year he was in a stroller so this was his first experience of actually going up to the door and saying "tweat!" He must of thought it was the Tour of Homes instead of Halloween because he would ring the door bell and then just walk right in. On several occasions I had to rummage through random people's houses trying to find my son! He had such a fun time and so did we!

Stoney Ridge Farm

2008-10-26T13:21:00.001-07:00

Yesterday we went to Stoney Ridge farm and had a great time. We fed farm animals, ran around a pumpkin patch and corn maze, went on a hay ride, and ate some delicious food. Of course, Ethan's favorite part was seeing all the "mawmowee" tractors.

I Heart Magazines

2008-10-12T13:38:00.001-07:00

Most of you know that I am a voracious reader. I usually have 3-4 books going at a time - a non-fiction, a classic, a devotional, and a contemporary novel. In addition to books, I am absolutely hooked on magazines. Ever since my first Sassy at age 12, I have subscribed to dozens of magazines that have chronicled my interests in life. Currently, I subscribe to the following:

The Week - I recommend this magazine to everyone! It is a concise news mag that takes articles from newspapers across the nation and edits them into small news pieces that represent a variety of editorial opinions. The best part about it is that it's slim, articulate and to-the-point -you get the basics on numerous cultural issues.

Cookie - A mom's magazine with a chic edge.
Better Homes & Gardens - I mainly just covet all the interiors.
Real Simple - A classic for modern women.
In Style - It's a little embarassing to admit, but this is the magazine that I look forward to the most. There's just something about getting a big, glossy, perfumey magazine in the mail. I usually read this one all in the same night I get it. It's quite contradictory to my nature - I rarely spend more than $15 on any article of clothing, much less $600 on a pair of Christian Louboutin stilettos! Really - does anyone besides celebrities actually pay that much to look good? I guess it's an indulgent escape for me - I love the fashion, the beauty secrets, the other-worldliness of it all.

When do I have time to read all these? They are a perfect companion to my rare date with the treadmill or the gym. And unlike books, they don't require concentration, so I read after Ethan's gone to bed during commercial breaks.

The reason why I bring this up is that my renewals are coming up soon and I am thinking about switching things up. So what I want to know from you is, what magazines do you read and recommend? Write me your suggestions please! I am eagerly awaiting. Happy reading.

Ethan turns 2!

2008-10-12T13:21:00.000-07:00

Ethan's turns 2 tomorrow and we had a small party for him yesterday. It started out at The Fun Zone - an indoor play area with large bouncy structures. Then we came home, opened presents, and ate some food and cake. Here is Ethan with his cousins Travis and Jayna and Aunt Sarabeth in a big bouncy box.

Here is Ethan enjoying some birthday cake:

Today we did our annual pictures in the leaves photo session. My favorite:

Later today we are going to go pick some apples so we can make some homemade applesauce. I love this time of year! The fun continues for him tomorrow, when he gets to spend the whole day with his Grandma Sue instead of going to daycare. Thank you to the folks who came to our little gathering - we appreciate you making a trek all the way up here. Ethan woke up this morning delighted with all his new toys. A shout out to Bonnie - also the birthday girl, and our dog Bailey, who shares a birthday with Ethan.

Decoding Ethan

2008-09-27T13:51:00.000-07:00

I have always gotten a kick out of trying to understand what young children attempt to express. You listen and listen as they repeat themselves, asking "What, honey? Say that again" and you finally have to ask mom, "What did s/he say?", to which the mom always knows exactly what their child is saying. Well, now is my turn to decode my little child. Frequently even Eric will look at me and go, "What's he want?" Here are a few of my favorite Ethan expressions:

"Shoes on. Side. Do-pees. Pee-doughs." = I want to go outside now and pick blackberries and tomatoes.

"Mommy!! Doing? Mook!" = Mommy! Get down here, pay attention to me, and fix me some milk already!

"Da-dat. Apple apple apple high." = It's time to go nigh-night to which you need to sing me "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star." (apple apple apple high is up above the world so high)

"Icky Icky Eww." = I just went poop and you need to change my diaper now.

"Bye. Soon. Back." = Bye! See you soon. I'll be right back.

"Zeet. Boooook." = Sit down now, let me sit on your lap and read me a book."

"Audwee" = Depending on the context, it could be diaper creme, laundry, or airplane.
"Keek-u" = Love you or thank you
"Mahmowee" = well, duh. But also refers to any and all machinery, especially tractors
"BeeBee!!" = Bailey, get back in the house!
"Gah-goine" = popcorn
"Gogee" = cookie
"Top" = said with an earnest expression, this means stop tickling me
"I see you!" = let's play hide and seek!
"Sigh" = I'm sorry
"Why. Baa." = It's bath time!
"Beat bean" or "tweet tween" = sleeping

There are so many more, and I sure get a kick out of his little expressions.

Busted!

2008-09-13T13:36:00.000-07:00

We were sitting on the couch the other night and I said to Eric, "He's too quiet, he must be into something." Sure enough, we found Ethan at the kitchen table with his whole hand in the peanut butter jar. Bailey's favorite thing in the whole world is peanut butter so she was in on the whole shenanigan too. Too funny!

Big Catch

2008-09-13T13:25:00.000-07:00

Here are a few pictures of Eric and the fish he caught last weekend. Two 20 lb. King Salmon. He made some delicious smoked salmon today from them.

Late summer happenings

2008-09-01T13:00:00.000-07:00

I thought I would share a couple cute pictures of Ethan taken a few weeks ago at the Lynden Fair. Most of you know of his lawnmower addiction. This extends to all pieces of machinery, both big and small. He likes "awgwees" (airplanes), "big twucks", and especially "vrooms" (tractors), in addition to the beloved "mawmowee". He was in HEAVEN when we went past the John Deere tractor section - I wish the pictures did his sentiments justice.

Ethan's favorite book is the lawnmower brochure from Lowe's, which we must read at least a few times a day. It goes something like this, "This riding lawnmower features a Briggs and Stratton engine, 21 inch cutting deck and the option of side discharge, mulch, or bag.....available only at Lowe's!"

He is also an animal lover, as noted:

What else have we been up to these past few weeks? Well, we're back at work. Classes start on Wednesday. It's good to be back, but I miss my boy so much during the day. Eric has been working on the deck, which is almost done. He also caught a 14 lb. King salmon. Oh, and he was given a smoker....he has ribs smoking right now. Ethan has been sick, so I've been doting on him and trying to tackle the neverending to-do list...which is actually longer than it was at the beginning of the summer - how did that happen?

Like Father Like Son

2008-08-22T11:04:00.000-07:00

Ethan is an Eric "mini-me", physically at least. The proof is in the pudding!

Also, if you ever want to make a comment under the posting, just press "comments" and then leave a comment under "Anonymous" (if you don't have a google/blogger account). If you wish, you can sign your name after your message.

Summer pictures

2008-08-17T07:48:00.000-07:00

Here are some recent pictures of Ethan taken this summer. One advantage of working in the schools is the major perk of getting summers off. Eric was taking graduate classes for much of the time, so he wasn't able to join us on our adventures as much as we would have liked, but nonetheless we enjoyed every moment. The top left picture is Ethan "maw-mowing" - his favorite activity, nay, obsession. The next two were taken in early July at Larrabee. We spent a lot of time at parks, playgrounds, and beaches this summer. The bottom left is Ethan helping us pick raspberries, and the last picture was taken at a county fair. Isn't he cute?

Welcome!

2008-08-10T17:53:00.000-07:00

Sound the Hallelujah chorus. We finally have our own blog. After getting asked countless times for Ethan pictures, and after being quite impressed by several family members' blogs, I have decided to create one for our family. I am hoping that I can figure out how to post pictures and customize everything, and most of all, keep up with it. Technology and time are not always on my side. Nevertheless, I am excited to use this as a tool to keep in touch with loved ones and allow you to see what we're up to. But most of all, you will get to see Ethan grow up! Okay, wish me luck. Love to all.