Sunday, January 25, 2009

It IS just a stage, right?

I do believe that parenting is the most difficult undertaking I have ever endeavoured. It has been a challenging month. Ethan has hit his stride as a two-year old....most of the time cute, funny, witty, and incredibly sweet. The rest of time....not so much. He has been throwing tantrums lately, and has mastered the art of whining. But the most challenging behavior has been his refusal to sleep. Up until this point, he has been such a good sleeper as we were dutiful in the early months with sleep training. But lately it has become a battle of epic proportions at naptime and bedtime, and he also wakes at least once in the middle of the night. This requires me to go downstairs and rub his head until he falls asleep again - which wouldn't be so bad except that I cannot get back to sleep so easily. I am realizing that when I lose sleep, my irritability and impatience levels rise considerably, especially given that Eric and I start work at 6:45. We have tried several techniques to combat these behaviors while trying to remain consistent and in control, but it is still quite frustrating. I guess it seems to be getting a bit easier, but I suspect it will be a long road. I am constantly trying to figure out whether he's manipulating me and it's a matter of will and power, or if he truly emotionally needs something. And then I'm always asking myself about what he's learning as a result of this situation and what the long-term consequence/solution is. Compound that with maternal guilt (since I work during the day) and you've got a recipe for exhaustion and feelings of parental inadequacy. That's been a theme for me lately....feeling inadequate and incompetent. But it has reminded me further to lean upon God for those qualities which I lack. Parenting also makes me strive even more to be the person I desire to be: selfless, loving, patient, healthy, and an example for my children to follow. I'm pretty sure I fail more than I succeed, but in my weakness, He is strong.

8 comments:

Bonnie Kim said...

Oh Mel, I'm so glad you have that perspective- God does take over when we lean on Him- even when we don't lean on him he is there! I admire your patience and love for Ethan. Your humility and love for him is evident and he does know it! I will pray for your sleep and encouragement- trials test the genuineness of our faith and make us stonger! Love you.

Steve & Sarabeth said...

I totally hear you. I question my parenting abilities - and the future results of my dealings with the kids - all the time. I guess all we can do is our best and pray for God's grace to make up for our shortcomings.

I wish I had an idea regarding the current situation with Ethan. But you'll figure it out. It may take awhile (though hopefully not), but you will figure it out. It IS just a stage! I always tell myself that he/she won't be in kindergarten still (fill in the blank...pooping in diapers, hitting sister 20 times a day, needing me to rub his head back to sleep in the middle of the night, etc.) And maybe (okay, this is a big maybe) you'll someday hope for just one night of rubbing his head and watching him fall asleep.

In the meantime, I will pray for sleep for you. It's amazing how a lack of sleep can make everything 1,000 times more difficult, especially patience.

Anonymous said...

This doesn't help you right now, but "This, too, shall pass!" :) You display a great deal of patience with Ethan, it impresses me. I, too, will pray for YOUR sleep situation as at this point in a pregnancy, it IS difficult to go without. There is always a straight jacket for Ethan and ear plugs for you....just kidding!
You and Sb are great moms! Odd, isn't it, that parenthood is as much a training for the parents as it is for the kids? God always has something to show us, even if it is just to remind us to turn to Him. Sweet dreams, love, Mom

Anonymous said...

Hey Mel....I feel your pain! Maezie is our worst sleeper, and usually wakes up 2-3 times during the night for her lost pacifier or bunny or blanket or.... I gave up on battling to get Bryan to wake up! But, yes, it will pass, though MUCH slower than we would like. Not very encouraging I'm afraid, but I'm right there in the trenches with you! ~Jill

Williams family said...

this is a test to see if I can log in as my real self instead of anonymous

Anonymous said...

Hey Mel - I hope that everyone in your house will get more sleep very soon! Toddlers are here to remind us that God works in mysterious ways:) Congrats on baby #2! That is very exciting. Hope to see you soon. Love, Becca

Schwartz said...

I have to remind myself in the middle of the night of all the other parents who are up with me. It makes me feel part of something - that we're all in it together.

I have found that my patience has been tested so much over the past few weeks, and battling the guilt that comes with being frustrated with such a little being whom we love so much! I also find it important to rely on the support from other Mom's/parents who know what it's like and can validate how difficult it can be...the guilt, the frustration, the exhaustion. Hang in there and know that when you are up, there are a bunch of other Mom's and Dad's up with you! Will probably be thinking of you in the wee-hours of the night tonight! :) Hugs! Michele

Williams family said...

Melanie (and everyone else who commented),

Though its been a while since your original post (and hopefully things have changed with Ethan's sleeping!), it was so encouraging for me to read the comments left by others! Though none of us had any earth-shattering solutions, it is somehow encouraging, as Michelle said, to know that there are others experiencing the same struggles! And somehow, that makes us part of a club...though admittedly I don't want to be a member anymore! :) It's still nice to know we're not alone, and that God WILL see you/us through this time.

When Kaela was about six months old and not sleeping, someone told me "someday, she'll be a teenager and that's ALL she'll want to do is sleep!"

Hope its getting better for you!

Lots of love,
Jill